I Really Couldn't Say...

(starts confused and becomes frustrated)

Everything feels so unreal;

As if it were safety pinned together…

They said to her,

‘Don’t speak,

It’s in the past.

Leave it there.

It’ll hurt us

if you tell.’

So she holds it in

Tries to forget

Cover up the din.

But remembers everyday

With the force of her

Longing to forget,

longing to let

Everything go.

(sharp, accusing)

She hurts everyday

Because she holds the words inside

They bide

Within her soul

The words like shards of glass.

The pain

The violent rain of memories

She tries in vain to forget.

Red tears her body cries,

Because there is no escape,

Only the sting of memory.

(angry)

She dances,

Pas de boureè

But away

To hide in the dark.

But the words, the memories

Beat on the wall

Till there’s nowhere else to hide. (clear)

On the wall. (strong)

(sad)

So slowly she shatters,

Tiny pieces

Like so many broken mirrors

In the universe of her dreams.

She has to tell (gets frustrated)

Break the spell

Of their words, their rules

Let the pain be someone else’s

The consequences they deserve. (<-vehement)

She has to tell

So she opens her mouth (<-calm)

The words flood no stopping

Pages of silent screams

Overcoming her dreams of something else.

She steps back from herself

And begins to tell.

All.

“Don’t touch me!” (almost a shout)

The time she fought back,

Everything.

They hear and then say,

‘Oh, you poor dear, (<- patronizing)

Now get on with you life…

We listened to your story

Now go on.’

They said they wanted to help.

They lied.  (really pissed)

Covered their faces.

Bright colors and false smiles

And she walks through rooms of false smiles.

Masks they can’t take off

and never put on in the first place.

All there.

Even she has one now

But it drips red paint

No. (pause) not paint,

Blood. So much blood,

And she would drown in it.

She screams,

Hopes, hopes she dreams

But no one comes

Cuz they can’t hear 

And don’t care anyway. (clear, angry)

Give up. (self loathing) (pause)

The smiles go away.

And eventually the safety pins

that hold together reality begin to come apart.